Or as the Rolling Stones say, "You Can't Always Get What You Want, You Get What You Need."
This past weekend I went with FD and Hons to one of my favorite stores, Europtical, in Rocky River. This happens to be one of Hons' favorite stores too, so it all worked out for our Mother's Day celebration with her.
Why did we go there? FD needed prescription sunglasses badly. (We're both glasses wearers; the thought of contacts freaks out both of us.) We went to our local malls near BG, but none of the mall eyeglass places had sunglasses that FD liked that could be made with his prescription. (We're both blind without glasses.) I told him we should go to Europtical. I knew we would definitely find something that he liked and that could work with his prescription. Europtical is a little on the pricey side, but they're frames are unique and we wear glasses every day so the cost is completely justifiable--really, it's not like we buy the most expense frames there. I know FD will have these sunglasses for a long time, and he can just change the lenses when he needs to.
As you guessed, he found a great pair and it was fun and Hons had a great time talking it up with the owners (they know our family there) and all was going great. Then I asked my favorite sales/LDO guy if they had any funky sunglasses for me. It was then all hell broke loose.
Freeze: You should know that I just bought a new pair of Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses last year. I got them at Lens Crafters. (I know, I know, why didn't I go to Europtical? You'll see why in a minute.) They're nothing special. Pops likes to call them my Ray Charles sunglasses. They're hip, but not the sunglasses I wanted. They're do-able. They were relatively cost effective. Whatever.
Action: I tell Dragos, the sales/LDO guy that I like "crazy" sunglasses with "celebrity flare." He totally understands me. The first pair he shows me are the most beautiful celebrity sunglasses I have ever seen. Even better than ones at Saks or Nordstrom. He shows me my first pair of Chrome Hearts. I fall in love.
The glasses are black with wide sides and wide lenses that totally cover your eyes. They totally look like glasses Jack Nicholson would wear. I say that aloud. Dragos shows me a picture of Jack Nicholson wearing not that exact same pair but another pair like them by Chrome Hearts.
Before he lets me try them on he shows FD the writing on the side and asks him to "not be upset." FD gives me a puzzled look. What do say "Chrome Hearts"? Designer sunglasses: we expect to see Dior or Prada or Gucci or D&G in gold or diamonds on the side, right?
This pair had etched on each side "Fucker." I wanted to sing and dance around the store. I wanted to put them on and pretend I was in a musical and that I, of course, was the star, who only knew I was the star once I put on my "Fucker" sunglasses.
But these glasses were so rock'n'roll celeb I had to be chill when I put them on.
They felt like pillows covering my eyes, like air. Like a dream I could live in forever.
Immediately, I started scheming ways to pay for them. The frames alone were $750. With prescription lenses and taxes, it total would have been about $1100. The family discount is 20%. Even still the total would have been around $900.
We are composition teachers. We make enough to make ends meet and a little more. We're saving to buy a house. We are not celebrities.
I know all this; however, once the label whore in me surfaces, she teams up with the suppressed compulsive shopper, and all my core self control is gone.
I ask Hons for help. Together we try to come up with a plan to get them. (I refuse to give up the deets of that plan right now.)
And then FD, my hero, intercedes. He says he's not feeling well. That we need to leave immediately. He's finished ordering the sunglasses he needs and it's time for us to go. I take off the sunglasses. I feel like Frodo grabbing Sam's hand in Return of the King, looking down into that lava pit, actually thinking about dying for a material object.
Yes, these sunglasses are just like the ring--my precious...
We get in the car. I'm shaking. I'm still plotting as I drive into the sun, wearing my D&Gs.
(You can see why I don't shop anymore. You can see why I avoid malls and Target. I have a serious problem. I would be bankrupt if I still worked at Off Fifth.)
The realization of only getting what's do-able doesn't set in for over 24 hours. And it only sets in after looking at houses and realizing we still don't have enough saved to afford mortgage payments for a relatively "cheap" house in BG that need a lot of work. Only when I see the long term goal of a house can I see the senselessness of $1100 sunglasses.
Guess who's growing up?
And guess who's going to wait outside of Europtical when FD picks up his sunglasses?
(For more info on Chrome Hearts according to Urban Dictionary, click here. And view some of these beautiful sunglasses, but not my precious at Europtical--that pair is no where on the internet--I tried eBay and other auctions--the precious is too good for the internet--click here.)