November Won't Come Soon Enough

More soon on the AWESOME meal prepared by guest celebrity chef Stephanie Izard, but until then, here's a sneak peek.

Who Doesn't Love This Kid?

He's fabulous.

Period.

♫ "Will You Still Need Me; Will You Still Feed Me When I'm 64?" ♫

Seriously, this is why Helen Mirren rocks!

63 and she's still hot.

Here's to you, Helen!

You're an inspiration, lady!

(*sigh* I really need to work out more often...)

Thanks to Plattitude for posting this pic to Facebook and props to Mail Online for the pic.

A MUST SEE!!!

THE BEST indy film I've seen in 4-ever!!!

Rent it or Own it! ASAP!

Right On.

This past year was all about Rehab (think: LL & BS), so it seems fitting that "Rehab" was song of the year...

!

Perhaps the closest to Inside the Actor's Studio I will ever get.

Props to Terence and the folks at IDEAL for choosing me as the feature interview this month!

A Year In Review

I've always loved lists.

Especially lists that involve the word "Top."

Being as inspired as I am by E, VH1, and other "Top 2007" lists, I've decided I need my own.

Welcome to the first annual A Skirt Around The Issues Top 5 Blog Posts of 2007.

#5: "And So The Skeptic Begins Her Work." Seriously, how could my first blog post EVER not make the Top 5 list?!

#4: "So Totally Real It's Unreal." Meeting up with my childhood best friend was such an awesome experience of 2007--maybe the most awesome. The blog post for this reunion doesn't do it justice, but it's the thought that counts.

#3: "Something Nice to Say. (And Some Silence.)" Of all my blog posts of 2007, this one is the most important one to me because it really helped me rethink my writing life and forced me to start writing seriously again--nonetheless in a new genre, creative nonfiction. Bonus: it mentions Paris and her release from jail--one of the every lists "Top" moments of 2007.

#2: "Sea Bands Suck. (aka I Broke Up with Taco Bell (aka When Things Went Terribly Wrong (aka Beware: This Post Contains Gross Accounts of Vomit.)" I'm a sucker for any story that involves vomit, but this one really takes the cake. Fact: I have not eaten Taco Bell or any other fast food since summer. Honestly, I stopped craving it when I stopped eating it.

Drum roll, please.

And #1...Did you guess it?

"In Adulthood You Don't Always Get What You Want, You Get What's Do-able."

All I can say about #1 is that I still think about and want those sunglasses every day.

~

Stay tuned for a post tomorrow regarding our fantastic meal tonight and my 2008 New Year's Resolutions.

You Know You've Been Wanting to Do It for Fafa Points!

For Real Sick. Gross. But with a Sunny Disposition.

For the past three days I've been out of commission with the flu. No fun.

I missed out on some really important plans: I love you, Noodles.

I am, however, caught up on The Hills and all my previously recorded shows on Tivo. I also had time to finish one horrible book not worth mentioning and begin one that is worth mentioning but not right now.

I might be sick, but I still have my ability to create suspense.

(The hint, though, is this: FD and I might be getting a very special Christmas present this year, and NO, I'm not pregnant.)

Being that I couldn't take another day of lying around, I got up and decorated our Christmas trees in my PJs as well as strung my Hello Kitty Christmas lights around the windows in my office. I've been rocking out to some Christmas classics as well as new Christmas tunes by Aimee Mann and Sufjan Stevens. If you don't have the Christmas box set of his, it's a MUST BUY.

Decorating and singing along to "We Three Kings," I felt pretty good. But I now, as I write this, I'm feeling tired again.

Dude, I hate being sick.

Two things I've been thinking about. Real quick.

The movie The Fountain sucks. I think it's too hippy-ed out for its own good, so much so that it distracts from its overly contrived message and acid-trip cinematography (that is at times lovely). FD and I watched it last night and had a huge discussion about it right afterwards and when we were trying to go to sleep. I'm too tired to give an in-depth review of it. But I'm totally sick of these movies that end and nothing happens, nothing is resolved or the ending is so indie it's all symbolic. Seriously, what's up with that? I told FD I'd rather watch Superbad or Knocked Up any day over this horrible shit these hipster directors call movies. Someone, please recommend some quality indie movies to me that disprove my skepticism. I like I Heart Huckabees and The Royal Tenenbaums. Wristcutters: A Love Story and The Science of Sleep look good, but am I going to be disappointed again? I guess when you're as smart and skeptical as me and FD, blockbuster movies are best movies for us to watch--we know what we're going to get, and, sometimes, they're even better than expected like Transformers...I guess I just like music more than movies. I might like TV more than movies too...I'm sure I'll revisit this issue again soon.

Second, Christmas shopping has begun. This year I'm ahead of schedule, but I still have a quite a few presents to get. My goal, usually, is to get loved ones what they want from their lists. I don't like to stray too much because when I have I've been broken-hearted by the initial-frown-before-the-faux-smile expressions. However, when I do deviate from the list, I try to go homemade and/or independent. Here are some BOSS sites you might want to check out for your loved ones:

Lemon Cadet: Rockin' the Bean, Bunny, and Yeti goods for kids, ladies, and men since 2006. I can't stop thinking about this Bunny hoodie. Oh my!

One Good Bumblebee: Gnome Jack-in-the-Box!?!? How rad is that?!?!

Redbird: Stokes bought me some of these totally unique concert posters for my birthday, and now I check out this site like every day. I'm waiting the Sufjan poster!!!

Haworth Homemade: Some loved ones might really like that snazzy TV cover...

The Grey Colt: If you're not from the Cleveland/Akron area, you can always call the ladies at the Grey Colt, and they'll help you find the perfect something for your special someone. If you are from the area, head in and support this local business that is so totally rad and unique!

OK, I need another nap.

I'm thinking tonight some soup and Elf with only our Christmas trees lights on...

BEFORE I TOTALLY FORGET: Check out this Scene article about Fafarazzi. Both Stokes and me are quoted. How rad is that?!?! And it's even more rad that the journalist quoted my most foul answer rather than one of my funny ones!

Just one more reason...

...for why I love Tina Fey: she supports writers.

Granted TV writers, but still writers.

Utah Public Radio: A Voice You Might Recognize

While we were in Utah, FD did an interview on Utah Public Radio.

Fast forward to a little over half way.

I hope he doesn't kill me for posting it, but I'm proud of him!

Wanna Cover-Up a Trainwreck?

After watching Britney's performance of the VMAs, I might have to buy another one of these...

Thankfully my yoga space is now a pure sanctuary--free of Britney's inability to lip-sync, free from the screen that is my addiction.

And I have totally awesome Melissa to thank. She's an extremely talented seamstress; something I definitely am not.

And I have a new addiction: Etsy.

It's Tempting, Isn't It?

Maybe I Have a Long Lost Twin...

Donald Miller's writing style reminded me of someone-I-know's writing style...

He cracked me up. He made me think. He made sense. He answered a lot of my questions. He counter-argued my skepticism. He used examples from pop culture to talk about Christian spirituality: Jane Austen, Ethan Hawke, Emily Dickinson, and Ani Difranco to name a few. He listens to Wilco, the Boss, Patty Griffin, Eliot Smith, and Whiskeytown to name a few. I believed him.

Donald Miller renewed my spirituality and helped me understand how I can have a relationship with God (and Jesus) that actually makes sense.

This book is a worthwhile read, especially if you are like me and have your doubts about faith and Christianity. Now the rest is up to me.

Thank you, Terence, for giving me a copy and sharing Miller with me. I hope you did give me this copy. I wrote all over it. I underlined favorite phrases. I doodled in the margins while reading. I seriously loved it!

4 out of 5 jazz-listening Hello Kittys.

If Britney's Going to Church...

There are only three things that Britney Spears going to church could mean:

1.) Publicity--she has had publicist problems in the past, trusting the Big Man is a good move;

2.) Armageddon is here and she's pregnant with Satan's spawn, so she's going to church to recruit all the church-goers who are nice in church but give you the middle finger as they cut you off and speed like hell out of the parking lot; or

3.) Desperate times call for desperate measures--maybe it was God who chose Britney...

Really, this is a toss up.

1.) Seems logical; 2.) Seems even more logical; and 3.) Is just so crazy it might be the most logical.

~

One of my favorite sayings is that "everything happens for a reason." But really, if you believe in some kind of creator, isn't that creator the one who makes everything happen for a reason?

I don't mean it to sound like the creator is the puppet-master.

I just think maybe we should credit the person who makes "everything happen for a reason."

I'd definitely want credit for that.

~

One of my other favorite sayings is that "God only gives us what we can handle."

Here's where things between some Christians and I get a little tense.

I hear a lot of Christians say that God's love is amazing and that people should come to God because of his grace, all-loving nature, and goodness, which I believe all is true. Unfortunately, that's the bait and hook for the sad bastards who are lonely and looking for love--of any kind.

God is good and great, loving and all-forgiving. But let's not forget about the dark side of God. The God who "only gives us what we can handle." That's the Man I feel some Christians neglect to mention during the selling pitch.

Yes, God will love you. He will forgive you.

And sometimes you'll have to forgive Him. That's the hardest part of this deal, in my opinion.

Following the 10 Commandments isn't necessarily a cake walk, but dealing with the fact that God has a plan that includes war, murder, miscarriages, "accidents," etc. isn't easy at all to understand. Mix the two and it's as if God is saying, "Do what I say, not what I do." That's a true mind-f***.

In other words, I better understand Britney shaving her head, attacking the paparazzi with an umbrella, and going to church with her new "manny" and children than I understand God.

Granted both of them make no sense, but I'll take my chances on Britney. I mean, she did write an apology note to X17, which clarified why she attacked them with an umbrella.

I realize some would argue the Bible is God's explanation.

Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't. As a English/lit/book person and creative writer, I just can't take the Bible literally. At least all of the time. Think of all the translations it's gone through, all the different interpretations. Also, consider the state of mind of some its readers--no offense.

Fables were a popular form of story-telling back in the day.

Even Jesus liked to tell stories. That in itself is a very helpful clue for me.

~

God's plan: Britney goes to church; the war in Iraq continues; season 8 of Big Brother starts; a couple miscarriages; a tulip opens; a eighteen year-old hits a guard rail going down a hill, is throw through his windshield, and decapitated; two lovers snuggle; a couple breaks up; the glass stillness of a pool shimmers; a baby is born mentally disabled with no medical explanation.

All of this is just one millisecond.

~

Story: Once upon a time there was a girl. Her name is Question Mark or ?. Her parents named her ? because when she was born her face was furled like someone thinking in questions. As ? grew up, she began to notice her sister wasn't like the other kids she knew. The other kids were punctuations marks--some round, some straight, some a little curvy--like her. Her sister was hard angles and a line, a tepee with a little window. A. Other kids stared at her, which made ? defensive of her sister and a bit of a hard question mark, one of anger than a soft one like a joke.

One day ? decided to ask questions about her sister, to find out why she was different. While asking questions about her sister, she came across other questions about family, friendships, humanity, God. ? furrowed her brow like when she was born. She was learning there are no easy answers to most questions.

But she believed asking questions showed faith, showed hope, created closure, proved she was living her life to its fullest extinct.

~

The same story translated: Once upon a time there was a girl named Amanda. Her parents named her Amanda because it meant "Beloved" and because it was a popular name in the 70s.
As Amanda grew up, she began to notice her sister wasn't like the other kids she knew. The other kids could talk, had straight teeth, didn't drool, went to "normal" school. Her sister couldn't talk, didn't have straight teeth, drooled, and went to a school for the "retarded." Other kids (and adults) stared at her sister, which made Amanda defensive and angry for a very long time.

One day Amanda decided to ask questions about her sister, to find out why she was different. While asking questions about her sister, she came across other questions about family, friendships, humanity, God. Amanda was afraid people would view her questions as hurtful when really she was just trying to live her life to the fullest. She really wasn't trying to hurt people's feelings by asking questions. She was trying to learn that there was no easy way to ask questions and that there are no easy answers to most questions.

But she believed asking questions that couldn't be answered easily was essential to being human.

~

What's lost between these two stories, their different translations?

What's gained?

~

This morning during yoga class, I felt the closest I have to God in a long while.

I'm in Warrior 2, for the first time on my right side, and I'm trying to sit down with my sit bones, keep my front knee over my front ankle, sit back into the back leg on the outside of the foot, breathe, lift up my sacrum, sit down into my sit bones, breathe. My whole body is shaking. My yoga instructor, God bless her, is shaking her head. The left side is the same struggle.

During the second time, I feel things starting to click. I know I'm not doing the pose perfectly, but I feel myself opening up in all the tight places and I'm breathing freely, not holding my breathe. I'm aware of my body in that moment and only that moment. My breath, my opening, my awareness--I feel God in me, even in my shaking thighs and hamstrings.

For me to see the blessing of his presence in my body, I have to be aware of the struggle in my body at the exact same time.

I don't know how else to explain it. A literal translation would ruin the whole mystery, the core meaning.

~

Oh, Britney, I think to myself in the car on the way home from yoga class.

We're not too different, are we? We're both just trying to find answers.

Maybe it seems easier or more justified for me because I don't have cameras following my every step. I don't have shitloads of money to further complicate things.

~

When I first started taking yoga, I looked around the room at all the participants instead of watching the instructor. I wanted to compare myself to everyone else. I wanted to know I was more flexible, a better listener, etc. By doing this I was cheating myself.

Now I only watch the instructor or I keep my eyes closed. I can't compare myself with others. I can only do my best. It's the instructor's job to help everyone else do their best, and comparing myself to them only proved I was insecure about my own practice.

It took me years to learn this. If I'm right about ten.

~

God only judges us individually, right? He doesn't compare us, right? And He gave me my life for a reason, right?

So then my life is the exact one He wants me to live, right? If he's judging me as me, based only on me as person, why do I think I'm living a less Christian life than others? Or why would others think that way?

If we use this comparison (or lack-thereof) model, then Britney stands a chance at getting into the pearly gates, right? And she should try, right? Without judgment. Why not?

But isn't faith usually comparable? Isn't it possible a priest ask parishioners to compare themselves with John the Baptist? Then what?

What of God's plan, his design, his intentions we sometimes can't see, the answers we sometimes never get? How do we know we are living in His image, if we're all being compared to people we aren't?

~

Why would it worry me if anyone compared me to my sister? Wouldn't that be a blessing?


This post was inspired by Britney Spears, Rock This Life, and many, many other things that fascinate me and that I appreciate whole-heartedly.

Something Nice to Say. (And Some Silence.)

I've been thinking lately, which is also my favorite song right now by Handsome Boy Modeling School featuring Cat Power.

~

I realized that lately you, my readers, have been getting very cute pictures of me and book reviews and that's about it. Though, I love both and I hope you love both, I also think you deserve more. Why haven't I been giving you more?

~

Hons told me in middle school that if I haven't got nice to say, don't say anything at all.

I repeat this saying to myself at least 100 times a day. It's so embedded in my brain now that I'm just silent and sometimes nothing else, even if what I want to say something isn't really that mean.

~

I've been taking notes lately for my non-fiction essays about my sister. I started my sister project in 2002 in an autobiography class in grad school. Yes, I'm that slow of a writer (and/or that avid of a tv-watcher...) For readers who don't know, my sister is brain-damaged, non-verbal, and my non-fiction pieces revolve around my life as her sibling. Besides the freakshow-ness of Riding the Bus with My Sister (some of you may recall Rosie O'Donnell starring in the tv version), there is a lack of understanding about the mentally disabled from a sibling point of view. I've found research from Sweden, Great Britain, and other countries, but barely any in the US.

This kind of disappoints me.

~

Watching CNN, I can't think of anything nice to say besides "Paris, I'm glad you're out of jail."

I hate watching the violence of humans against each other and the environment. I don't get it. WTF is wrong with us? I mean war. I mean landfills. I mean being unnecessarily mean.

And as much as I love Fafa and celebrities, why the f is Paris the #1 news story? What about Iraq? What about these youth uprisings in Russia being compared to the Nazis?

What stock do the Hiltons have in CNN?

~

Recently while scanning the pics from my childhood, I've been noticing that my sister is in them or out of them. Think about your family photos or ones on this blog. There's the edge, right? That half face of a brother, a parent, the wall. In my photos, I realized my sister is never at the edge; she's featured or not included.

Of course, this could mean nothing, but to me as a writer, it means everything.

~

I want Paris free. ~Free bird.~ And I believe she might do some good now. I know there are skeptics, non-believers, but if she can't change, really who can? I want to believe there is good left in all of us, especially when I can't see the good in humanity as much as when I was younger. You're free, Paris, now prove us all wrong; do good.

~

The pictures of my sister are all hair, all arms, all torso, all legs. She was skinny as a kid. Now she's round in the middle. She has a little flab in her arms, a little chunk in her legs. What I love, though, is her face is the same.

FD tells me that he loves my face, that my face is the exact same now as it is in my kid photos. He loves the kid pic of me reading. It's how I look, exactly, he says, when I'm reading today on the couch or on my lawn chair while tanning. He says I look like a bird.

~

To combat my negative feelings toward humanity, I had to do something. Anything that would let me see there is light. There is hope.

~

Flash of bulbs. Paris runs to hug her mom. Paris smiles. She wears little make-up and looks gorgeous. She looks fresh. Hopeful. Anyone ("retarded," alien, or "normal") can see her face reads happy. We've all felt that happy, even if we won't acknowledge it.

~

How could I not be disappointed in humanity every now and then? Think about it: people let you down, the government lets you down, Wilco lets you down by selling out to AMC. Really, I'm just following destiny.

~

Drop an a from my sister's name and you get angel. That's not a coincidence.

She has made me a believer. She has taught me to believe.

~

So disappointed by humanity, I knew I had to counteract it. I had to do something before I became I total hermit. Seriously, some days I can go without talking, I can stay home, I can choose to not communicate, and I would. If not for cell phones, Facebook, email.

I decided I would thank one person a day for his/her goodness. Sometimes all it takes it recognizing it. And then all it takes is saying it. Saying your really appreciate him/her. Or writing or emailing. And then change. In me. In them. I think we feel a little lighter.

I started with FD. Not fair. Before we go to sleep each night we tell each other our favorite part of the day. I wanted to reach more.

I chose to voice my thanks on the spot or a little after. I chose to thank those I thought would know how I feel but maybe don't. I chose to tell them the life I see in them. I chose to say things that some would say are "weird" or "creepy." I took that risk because saying something "weird" or "creepy" is better than thinking humankind is going to pot. And so what? It's clear by my dress and my attitude that I'm "weird," "creepy." There was nothing to lose.

~

My sister. "My Sister."

One of my favorite Juliana Hatfield Three songs.

Long ago, I traded that CD for cash. For a car payment. I regret that right now while working on my essays.

I want that song more than anything else. I want that song like sometimes I want to be around my sister. To the point I could cry because I feel so lonely. You might read that as "weird."

But I imagine having that song a light will beam down on me, and I will be able to write a flawless book in one draft and get a book deal. Like I will make sense not only to myself but others. Like I will get a spot on Oprah.

Does anyone have that CD they could burn for me?

Seriously, I'd like to get on Oprah. I really like her. And I think her book club rocks.

~

Dear Matthea, I love your poetry. I love your website, especially the photographs of the little things. I can't express how happy/sad they make me. Thank you. Amanda -- Amanda Facebook Member since 2007 http://askirtaround.blogspot.com/ http://eng111onlineclass.blogspot.com/

			Matthea Harvey	to me

Dear Amanda,

Thanks so much for your email! I'm so happy that the pictures make you
happy/sad--it's a line I like to try and tiptoe along. I'll try to put up
news ones as the months go by... Thanks again for writing.

Yours,
Matthea

~

Become What You Are, the Juliana Hatfield Three album "My Sister" is on, has been discontinued. That means I can only buy used copies.

That means I have to trust a seller on eBay to send me a copy in "good condition."

~

Patti,

I was ranking things in my head today, and I thought of this ranking:

#1 person I don't see enough of: Patti S!

I LOVE you, doll! You rock!

Big D

--
Amanda

Facebook Member since 2007

http://askirtaround.blogspot.com/
http://eng111onlineclass.blogspot.com/

		"pattis1122@youknowwho.com"	to me

That is the greatest e-mail I have ever received!!! Thank you!!! I love you too!!!

~

In other words, who knew?

~

In other words, there are others I love/adore like sisters.

There are strangers too.

~

In other words, we are all making a difference.

~

My sister. There are times throughout my adolescence I never understood why she was in my life. The sad thing is I can't even tell you why I thought she was in my life then because my main goal was to pretend she wasn't in my life and that I was an indie-rocker writer who was boy-cursed and prep-hating and didn't have the time to think of her "retarded" sister.

It hurts to write that. Even though I don't think that way at age 30.

~

I'm a bird to FD.

To my sister I'm a bear. Friendship Bear to be exact.

Remember those old school sewn together from a pattern bears? Those are the ones my sister's world hinges on. Each family member worth a damn is a bear. Your life, in her eyes, revolves around your bear. They cry in your absence. They come to your birthday celebration. Without a bear, we would be a stranger. She might like us, but we wouldn't play a vital role in her life.

She moans that the bears, our bears, Friendship Bear (me) and Good Luck Bear (FD), cry in our absence. I can tell by her sounds on the phone on Sunday evenings.

Friendship Bear: Truce flowers on her chest. Orange and friendly.

Was I destined to send emails to those I love/adore?

Was I destined to think of them as sisters?

~

The more I think about my sister, the more I think about Nicky Hilton.

I know it's weird. But consider, the one sister who stayed out the limelight. The one sister who tries to be "other" than her parents.

I am the Nicky Hilton in the McGuire family.

I lay low. I try to do good at what I do.

Am I breaking the rule of saying something good or nothing at all when I say I am the McGuire daughter who could try it her own? Who could go after her dreams? Who wanted to teach and write and am doing it because happiness means more than money to me? Am I wrong for saying that?

Why do I feel like I am wrong?

What would my sister do?

~

What if I told you I'm thanking those that I love because of my sister. Because without her I wouldn't fully understand appreciation, humility, or kindness?

Would you be skeptical?

Would you think I have no power to change?

Who Knows What People with Too Much Time On Their Hands Are Capable Of?

Letter from X17 Online & PETA website

Guess Who Has a Camera Crew?!?

You missed me yesterday, didn't you?

I was super-busy filming my intro-to-essay short videos for my online class on campus. I recorded six total, and whoever tells you that acting is a breeze, they're lying! It's exhausting work! It's hard to be on all the time. My Academy winning roles included a regular teacher, a reader, a Monopoly player, a blogger, and a very serious interviewer--all of which who wore a fabulous outfit. (Oh, you'll see the it all once the films go through final edit.)

Move over, Jennifer Hudson! Here comes the new "it" girl.

I jest a bit, but, in all seriousness, I did have a two-man camera crew with me as we walked across campus from my office to the Union and from the Union to the Library. How could I NOT feel a little bit celeb?! And to boot, my camera/audio team were the BOMB--two funny guys who were great conversationalists between takes and all business during takes! A shout out to Terence and Mike! And to FD for his guest appearance! And, most importantly, to Mary Ann Robinson who talked about domestic violence in Wood County and really opened my eyes!

I Chose To Be IT!

As I was faithfully reading Katherine's blog, I saw that she tagged anyone who wanted to be it.

I LOVE blogging tags, but I'm not a fan so much of being "it" during real tag.

Here are my random facts:

1.) I'm not a fan so much of being "it" during real tag.

2.) I was once told I should quit writing and go into acting. Sometimes I seriously consider this. I do have wonderful facial expressions that would be fabulous on any screen. Though many people mistake my thinking-face as a frustrated-face.

3.) I've secretly always wanted to be an actress.

4.) I've secretly always wanted to be a writer for The Young and The Restless.

5.) If I was an actress, I would definitely buy my Chrome Hearts sunglasses that I'm still obsessing over.

6.) I want to get a Hello Kitty tattoo, but I have no idea where I want it. The tat would be her face (I think joyful--eyes squinted with her little eye lashes showing) in a bold back outline. No color, except maybe for her red bow.

7.) My favorite times of day are the little moments that I notice something small and feel thankful I saw it. An example: The butterfly that landed for a few seconds on my towel while I was tanning and reading today and its quick flutter to somewhere else on the other side of the house.

8.) My other favorite time of the day is when FD and I talk at night before going to sleep. I like it most when he makes me laugh.

9.) I wish I was somehow related to Jane Austen. Or Beatrix Potter.

10.) In my wallet I carry a guardian angel coin Hons gave me. So far I have never mistaken it as a quarter.

11.) One of my all-time favorite Christmas presents is the pink Kitchen Aid stand mixer my in-laws got for me a couple of years ago.

I tag Stokes, Gary, and Abs.

Ooooppps! I just read the rules and there's only supposed to be 8 random facts. If you combine all my actress numbers that equals 8, right?