Paris is going to jail.
I laughed when I found out. Then checked my Fafa points and went to bed satisfied in the fact I might actually win a league for the first time.
This morning I am disgusted. Let me explain.
For Fafa, a player receives points for the various things various celebrities do: hook-up, break-up, go to rehab, beat the paparazzi's car with an umbrella, wear a random girl's bathing suit, defend a friend who has locked up his wife, go on Oprah acting crazy, flip the bird at the wrong (or right) time, and, worst of all, die.
Americans, including myself, are obsessed with celebrities, so why not create a fantasy league based around them. As we all see it, they're plastic, soul-less idiots who want all the attention they can get by acting like lawless barbarians, so give them what they deserve--Fafa.
And so I play and pray for my draft picks to do something stupid so I can rack up the points and beat my co-players. I'm not above friendly competition.
What I feel badly about, though, is that these are real people's lives. They just don't act or look like real people in their Juicy long johns, but I like to think there is some kind of humanity in each person. Just think of Celine Dion crying on Larry King Live for all of the Katrina victims. They have feelings. And perhaps their feelings only seem fake because we think celebrities are fake.
And Paris, I think, is fake to a degree, but she really does look unhappy strutting down the court steps. And I feel kinda sorry for her. Really, an orange jumpsuit really won't becoming on her. She did do wrong and she, like the rest of us, needs to atone for her wrongdoing legally, but should we be happy about it? What it is is what it is. I'm not happy for the poor average joe fool putsing around town with party plates. And I certainly wouldn't want a bunch of people to be happy if I f'ed up legally somehow. Maybe this will be a lesson for Paris; maybe she'll come back to us 45 days after June 5 and be a changed socialite. Maybe she'll act like Mandy Moore or Natalie Portman. Maybe she'll go to Harvard and write an intelligent novel. I've always believed she's acted dumb for the cameras. Really, doesn't the world love a dumb blonde? Isn't that what we want?
I think all these things and feel badly I'm playing fantasy leagues with actual people's lives.
And then I think again and hope I win my league. And wonder what my Fafa points are. And feel the itch to check them. Now. Immediately. Like right now...Yep, I've already hit my max on Fafa points for Paris today and it's only 11:13 a.m. Damn.
And so the cycle of disgust begins all over again.