Wednesday, August 8, 2007

I and "I"

I cannot relate everything I want to say in language.

I did not learn medical terms in medical school that diagnosis "retardation."

I did not hear the sound of my sister sliding out of my mom's vagina.

I did not see the sterile forceps that grasped my sister's infant skull.

I did not witness the slam of a doctor's door, the stubbing my father's toe.

I cannot name a person to blame.

I cannot know the pressure of a baby who "frequently regurgitated her formula."

I cannot feel for my sister.

I cannot describe why.

I did not "tell" like my sister.

I cannot identify the meaning of every noise my sister makes.

I cannot recount my sister during the years I spent sister-less.

I cannot narrate the experience of being brain-damaged and non-verbal.

I cannot voice my sister's thoughts.

I cannot relate every emotion I feel to a word.

I cannot recall every memory accurately.

I is "from my point of view, first person."

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