Emotional Rollercoaster

I've been experiencing this weird inner-debate regarding blogs.

I think sometimes I'm too honest, too raw, too revealing and I think, "Maybe it's time to just write about tv shows or current events or about poetics."

Then I think, "God, that sounds boring and useless..."

With having a public blog, one MUST realize that assholes read one's life events and make fun of them. But I know these assholes do this probably b/c they don't have the guts or creativity to honestly write about their true human experience.

I'm just telling it like it is...

And yesterday held yet another embarrassing experience I feel compelled to blog about. Because I honestly don't care about said assholes and why should I write about boring useless crap anyone can find anywhere else on the web?!

Yesterday I bawled in front of our dog trainer after class.

It was the first time I felt like one of my students, totally. I felt like one of the students who's fabulous but f'ed one little thing on the Works Cited page or didn't develop one small idea more fully and came to office hours to figure out how to do better but ended up crying for no explainable reason and then who got mad at herself for crying and acting "stupid."

Yep, that was me yesterday.

Yesterday, I first almost lost it at the vet. BooBoo is yet again on meds for his crazy-sensitive tummy. He can't have any motivator food besides his dog food, Nutro and Paul Newman's treats, carrots, and green beans. Knowing we had puppy class that night I sunk; with steak and cheese and BooBoo will do anything with no fear and focus on me totally. It was the first day of obstacle course puppy class. F*#$!

I pulled it together to collect the best-112-class-ever's portfolios and give them tons of hugs.

But on the way home, I teared up, thinking about how badly I'm going to miss that class. I heart them dearly.

But I pulled it together again to chop up carrots and beans for BooBoo, get him in the car, drive him to Holland, and get his excited big butt into the puppy class building. I felt calm and assertive UNTIL he started pulling me everywhere. He needed to say "Hi!" to his fellow classmates and their owners. He needed to say "Hi!" to our trainer's new assistant. He needed to say "Hi!" to the toys. That crazy BooBoo.

But then when it was time to start working, he wouldn't do it. Well, he would when he wanted to. The whole time it was me trying to get him to focus on me, him trying to interrupt the other pups' training to play, me trying to again to get him to focus on me, him focusing for a second then leaping towards the toys. And it was back and forth like that for an hour. He did play REALLY well with the other dogs this time, but I just couldn't take him not responding to me. At home, he's by my side all the time; he's my little buddy. But at school, he's too cool for me.

All this reminded me of the HELL I put my parents through in high school. Oy! [eye roll]

After class, I was overcome by memories of being a teen, BooBoo's crazy behavior, BooBoo being sick again, and whatever else, and I just lost it.

The best is, though, this is what I said to our trainer when I started to sob: "I'm so frustrated! He's not like this at home. At all. Or when we go visit places. I don't get it. Being a teen is so hard nowadays. How do they do it? This week has been so hard. Today is so hard. end of the semester is here and I've been grading like mad. Do you understand source synthesis and MLA? Sometimes I feel like I don't either! I miss my students already. And what if Brooke leaves Idol tonight? Oh, and my allergies."

AND WHAT IF BROOKE LEAVES IDOL TONIGHT? WTF?

If I was our trainer, as a person, I would definitely think I was having a nervous breakdown.

But then again, as a teacher, I saw myself as one stressed-out kid who needs a break. A LONG summer break.

When we got home FD was worried b/c I was 45 minutes late, BooBoo acted as a freakshow host butt-tucking all around the house, and I was a crying mess. Still.

And I cried well through Brooke being safe on Idol. Clear up until I cried myself to sleep.

Really what jackass wants to admit this nutso-ness on the internet? No one in their right mind!

Or maybe, just maybe, someone who isn't afraid to share the true human experience.

In my case, maybe a little of both...

~

An after-thought posted on April 25:

I dearly love the blogs I do read and link to on my posts and props column. Said assholes are random peeps I'm paranoid about...I've pissed off many people in my 30 years...

American Idol: A Facebook Convo Between Me & Theresa Williams--Maybe Idol's Two Biggest Fans*

My Facebook status: Amanda McRz fears that Brooke from Idol is going home, and that makes me really sad...



Theresa: "Yes, I think Brooke is probably going home. It was a good show tonight though, wasn't it? I wasn't sure how it would work out with the show tunes, but they all did all right. I didn't think any of them had their "best" night, unless it was Syesha's best night. She quite surprised me. I thought Jason did better than Simon said he did, but it wasn't the best song he could have chosen. Yet there were moments in the song that were quite tender and lovely, nearly heartbreaking. I thought David Cook's performance a bit odd. Very soft until the end when he let his wonderfully gravelly voice take over. It was kind of pretty, but overall it didn't quite work for me."

Me: "I agree on all counts of Idol. I'm thinking that even though Syesha had her best performance, she still might go home in the next few weeks. She proved theater is her thing; America wants a pop star...I thought Jason did much better too than Simon said. I wish he would have put a Jack Johnson spin on this song, though, like David A did. I think then he would have totally kicked David A's ass! David A. put his pop ballad spin in it, and as sick I am of it, he's still my pick to win. America loves his bashfulness and strong voice. America needs more power pop ballads by males, apparently. David C...how I adore his rock stuff, but last night's performance was too much like a pedophile singing; it creeped me out. Totally. He's safe, though. Then there's my poor Brooke. She's been my personal fav since auditions. The one I've wanted to win. I love her voice and the style of her singing, but a do-over isn't cool, esp live. It'll be Brooke or Jason. But my pick is Brooke."

* Sorry my post isn't my usual rant, but the only ranting I have in me deals with grading...

I See the Light. Finally.

In about one week, all of you will be able to enjoy the wonderful blogging of yours truly BECAUSE I WILL BE ON SUMMER BREAK!

Right now, I'm grading my little heart out.

So much so these words don't really look like words any more...And the numbers that are grades just aren't adding up. For reals. I totally jacked up one of my classes and gave them all the wrong grades. Then I had to take back those grades and give them their real grades. How do you like that for Just Kidding?...

I'm a Class A Moron, just like my boy Jackie D...

Until next week, relish in this thought:

Kristy Lee Cook is GONE from American Idol and all is right with the world of reality tv again.

[sigh]

The Story of the Great Bleu-dini and The Search for a Tasty Milkshake

Yesterday I craved a vanilla milkshake.

But NOT just any milkshake. A CheeBurger CheeBurger milkshake.

This is not a "normal" craving. It's a every-other-year thing or a when-in-Florida thing, so I don't mind indulging in the CRAZY amount of calories and fat content.

I figured FD and I would go to lunch at Kermit's (our fav diner in BG) for burgers, fries, and shakes--a 50's kind of lunch. Yum.

When we got to Kermit's we found out they "don't serve shakes on weekends."

When asked why, our server retorted, a bit snottily, "We're too busy."

WTF?! Milkshakes are moneymakers. Someone really needs to tell Kermit that.

In sadness and a bit of anger, we ate our burgers and fries sans milkshake--a 90's kind of lunch. Ugh.

Needless to say, I spent the rest of the day obsessively considering my milkshake options: McDonald's (can't break no fast food resolution), DQ (didn't want soft serve), Marble Slab (way too expensive unworthily), The Sundae Station (possibly?) or the Ice Cream Machine (maybe?).

All I wanted was a true milkshake with hand dipped ice cream and little crunches of ice, not some watered-down, preservative-ridden, chemically engineered shake. It shouldn't be so hard.

Truth be told, I considered flying to Sanibel, FL (even checked flight costs!) so I could go to CheeBurger CheeBurger. Sans multi-million dollar budget and private jet, I was forced to pick something local.

Well past lunch and still weighing my options, FD and I left the house to grade student essays without worrying about a little black dog named Bleu. We crated BooBoo as always and headed off to the library. FD consumed by his grading ("That essay wasn't so bad...") and me trying to grade but continually talking through my milkshake options ("I could eat a salad for dinner and get a milkshake from DQ...Why can't Myles Baker Street serve gourmet milkshakes?...Why doesn't BG have an old school soda fountain?...Vermilion used have one in their downtown pharmacy; it was so cool...")

FD: "Could you please stop? Just for an hour? I'm really trying to grade."

Somehow I managed to finish five papers during our library visit, which freed up time during the two-minute car ride home to further vacillate my milkshake choices: "DQ and MickeyD's are out...I'm thinking Marble Slab..."

FD: "You want to blow $10 on a milkshake!? Are you nuts? It's not payday!"

Upon opening the door, we saw a black tail wagging beyond the baby gate.

A BLACK TAIL WAGGING BEYOND THE BABY GATE!

A BLACK TAIL THAT SHOULD BE IN ITS KENNEL!

WTF?!

!?!?!?




Somehow Bleu-dini escaped his kennel.

I imagine it looked something like this:
Between Bleu and Kermit's not selling milkshakes on the weekends, I lost my mind.

It didn't return until much later. After I watched the Dog Whisper, after I had my milkshake from The Ice Cream Machine (it was good, but not CheeBurger good), after Bleu pushed open the front screen door and escaped again, after my friend AS came over to play with Bleu and he tried to eat her hair, after an episode of L&O SVU, after I fell asleep and dreamed of Bleu escaping from his kennel again and hopping into bed with us...

~

PS!!!

OMG: There's 2 CheeBurgers in MI! We're so going this summer. Like the first day of summer.

That might mean I have to make milkshakes a twice-a-year thing.

Looks like Bleu-ser and I will be walking an additional mile every day...

Snippets of My Sunday Morning Convo with EJ, My 5yr Old Niece, While Playing Barbies

EJ: "I didn't know you were a teacher."

Me: "Yah, I teach writing to college students."

EJ: "Should college students know how to write by now?"

~

Me: "What other American Girl doll accessories do you need?"

EJ: "The bed for Emma (her AG doll.) The Bathtub for Coconut. Some new clothes...Being a mother is really expensive."

~

Me: "How old are you going to be this year?" (I knew the answer.)

EJ: "6."

Me: "Do you know how old I'm going to be?"

EJ: Shakes her head.

Me: "Old."

EJ: "Well, I told you my age. Now you have to tell me your age."

Me: "31. Is that old?"

EJ: "No, but you don't look or act 31. You act a lot younger."

In Honor of All the Brain Cells I've Killed Doing Stupid "Things" in My Youth

FD and I are walking Bleu who is picking up sticks & prancing around.

Me: "Do girl dogs have penises?"

FD: [silence]

FD: "Is that your idea of an April Fool's joke?"

Me: "I totally forgot this week was April Fool's..."

The Frustrated With & The Thankful For

I really like to appear happy-to-lucky on my blog. Which is why I haven't posted anything lately.

Then I realized it's stupid to only post "good things," as Martha says. And posting my frustrations helped me see what I am thankful for and to rethink my priorities. That's always a "good thing."

So here's me at one of my more honest internet moments. And believe me the internet could use more of those moments. (That's a whole other blog post about the internet as PR, etc. etc. More soon on that.)

Frustrated with:

1.) Students who obviously don't give a shit about their education. Why waste the money? Drop out of school if it's so f***ing easy or f***ing hard.

2.) Online Teaching. I love it. Don't get me wrong. But what I don't love is all this bullshit about how upcoming online classes (like the ones I created) "overuse" technology. Resistant students, teachers, dept. heads, deans and all those other people scared of new technologies because they don't understand any of them and aren't willing to use any themselves need to stop campaigning against them and get on board by taking an online class or teaching an online class. The future is next year and technology is part of it--online or f2f. Ask any 18 year old. Now go ask a 10 year old. Then a 5 year old. BOOYA!

3.) Kristy Lee Cook. Seriously, how long can her untalented ass hang by a thread? Ramielle is going home tonight. Ugh.

4.) Never having enough time.

5.) Myself. Seriously, I know I need to let go of these frustrations and control what I can by making more time, voting more for David A, David C, & Carlye so Kristy Lee goes home, holding development sessions in my program to show how new technologies work and what they are good for, and accepting the fact that some students don't care and never will so they earn the NP and become someone else's problem.

Thankful for:

1.) My husband

2.) My puppy

3.) My awesome students ( you know who you are!)

4.) My morning free to blog, go to the rec, and read something other than essays.

5.) The two HKs in my life: Hello Kitty and Hell's Kitchen. We know by now about my love for Hello Kitty. The other HK, namely Gordon Ramsey, always makes me feel better. Or least justified in being frustrated.

Props to Fox for the pic.