I made eggs, bacon, and potatoes for dinner.
Bleu had his nose in the air, sniffing while wagging his tail.
It was the first dinner I had made that made him WANT people food.
Normally, I eat the table while he lays on his bed and watches me closely. (Our dining room table looks directly on his bed and vice versa.)
But tonight he begged. He paced. He rubbed my legs, dangling from the chair. He wanted bacon.
I didn't give him any. Instead I kept smiling at him and looking away, hoping it translated in dog language to "I love you, but I love my food more."
But one moment his eyes were so sweet and so sad, I was tempted to feed him bacon. I thought twice and realized that wouldn't be good.
I also thought and said to him, "If I love you more, I'd have to kill you."
It was weird. He looked so cute, so helpless, so loving. Excuse the cliche, but my heart melted. And I thought to myself, "So this is what it's like."
It's taken me 30 years of love to figure out what it's like to love a puppy. On my wedding day and each day I feel love for my husband, but love for dogs and kids. I didn't get it.
Then, suddenly, seeing Bleu beg for food, I got it. I understand why people love their pets.
But all this hoop-la about loving pets as kids means: I'm scared to have kids. If I loved them this much (as much as I love Bleu), I might beat them to death.
(No, I'm not an abuser, but just think of the PT Anderson movie Punch Drunk Love and you'll see what I mean. And think of the people who say, "You're so cute I could eat you.")
In short, so now I realize why my parents love me and want to see me all the time.
What would it be like with Grandkids???
Love. It's an f-ed up thing.