Wednesday, September 3, 2008

I Really Need to Stop Thinking So Much

Normally on Twitter my 140 character updates come pretty easily.

Today it was different. I had several different things I wanted to say and they all got jumbled so I just said I had several things to say and I figured I post them here because I don't have a character limit.

Being that I have such a rich online life is a blessing. I'm keeping in touch with old friends I dearly love who live far, far away from me. (The fabulous picture was taken by my great friend E.Waters who posted it to Facebook today! How rad to be able to keep in touch with her!) I get to meet new friends from all around the globe. And I get to feel pretty smart being in the know about all the new techy stuff. And Web 2.0 has several important education benefits that have enriched my teaching career.

With that said, the downside is sometimes my online life makes me feel like a huge loser. I thinking about the times I write on a friend's Facebook wall & he/she doesn't respond to me but he/she responds to all these other people & I have to see how much he/she loves his/her other friends on my News Feed. Or when I try to reach out & respond to a Tweet, I get silence in return. Or worst is seeing how awesomely exciting and action-packed everyone else's lives are & all the cool shit I'm missing out on.

I think the reason I felt so jumbled on Twitter is because if I Twitter what I love about the internets, then I come across as a loving, normal person, which is exactly what I want to portray to the online community. However, if I tweet about feeling like a loser, I come across as a whiny, sad, lonely, unhappy hermit. Which is NOT the case. It's just that internets sometimes brings out my self-conscious side, and I want to be able to express that feeling without feeling like even more of a loser.

(But I'm probably looking more like a loser by talking about how I sometimes feel like a loser but I don't want peeps to think I'm a loser.)

For the most part, I don't care what people think. But then again I must if I'm thinking about all the unanswered wall writings, unanswered tweets, unanswered phone calls, unanswered blog posts, etc. etc. etc.

But the other side of the coin is this: we're all freaking crazy busy. How on earth could we respond to every little internet interaction?! If we did we'd go bonkers! And what about all the wall posts, blog comments, tweets, etc. I've left unanswered? Did I cause someone to feel like a loser? Like I don't have time for them? Like I don't care about them?

Now I'm a happy, go-lucky, loser asshole.

In other words, I've been over-thinking the internets and internet friends way too much, and this little psychotic rant is just a taste of a few minutes inside my head. NOT fun.

But let me be clear, I LOVE my online life and my actual life. In fact, I find my actual life quite rich and beyond satisfying. I'm not convinced I'm an all-out loser. I just can see why so many creative-minded people I know avoid having an online life; obviously, they don't want to feel all this rush of crazies every few days (or few minutes).

I wonder how you cope with your online life vs your actual life. Does any one else feel this discord? If you do, how do you avoid it?

It's very possible starting the new semester has awoken by brain a little too much.

In other acutal life news, my students are great, teaching is going well, Bleu is doing well, and I'm seriously considering applying for the reality tv show Big Brother.


Stephanie King said...

Sometimes, I feel like my online life is a waste of time... Not many people read my blog or my tweets... which is okay by me. But, then I wonder why I even keep a blog at all! And... there are so many things that I would like to blog about, but I don't want it to be "out there." I would love to blog about my adoption desires and my "no baby" blues. But, I don't want everyone to know my business. But then, isn't that the purpose of blogging, tweeting, etc? The internet confuses me sometimes. We have a love/hate relationship. :)

P.S. I don't think you're crazy.

P.P.S. You should apply to BB. I've considered doing it myself. Maybe their twist could be that we know each other but we won't tell anyone. (Although that's been done a kadrillion billion times).

Anonymous said...

I look a lot cooler online than I am in real life... I <3 da net but I don't really use it any more! I broke up with my Mac for a Mark.... but don't worry, I still stalk you

Katherine said...

I'm always angsty about the internet. In so far as it helps me connect with people, I like it. In so far as it drains my time, I hate it.

I certainly love that it's helped us reconnect... and that we're going to see each other IRL really soon!!!

alaina b. said...

oo we should talk about this internet life business on Friday!!